Cinematic Attachments

Thoughts on introductions and endings to our favorite TV & movie persona's coinciding with major life moments

When I invest myself, my time, my energy, my heart, into a longstanding TV series or a classic movie, I take that commitment very seriously. I don’t skip episodes. I don’t do spoilers. I watch all supplemental materials available like previews and interviews - and with the development and evolution of social media, I also find myself thrilled when I fall down a rabbit hole of posts or interactions between the actors behind these characters as well. I’ve always been consistent - while there are seasons in which I’m willing to give a new show a try, I also rely heavily on repeats (thank you, streaming services). Give me a series in which I know exactly what to expect, nestled within comes the implicit knowledge that there are no landmine triggers or emotionally harmful scenes, and I will watch specific seasons or episodes over and over again - sometimes on consecutive days, sometimes weeks or months apart, but just like old friends on your contact list, they’re always there, ready to be viewed again.

Part of this means I don’t ever have to be surprised. Part of it means I know where to look and how to find the scene or the moment on screen which can provide in real-time the emotional response or release I may feel I need support with - whether that be comfort, tears, laughter, strength, resilience or solidarity. And yes, I realize these things are heavily scripted - but in the scripting, in the writing for the show itself there is structure and design and commitment to the personas that have deeply and intentionally been built up season after season.

So… what do I watch?

Well, it has depended on the season, but the last four years have been a pretty good indication of my tried and true tv shows, including but not limited to:

• Chicago PD (always has been, always will be)

  • Typical focus on seasons 2-4

• Law & Order SVU (Benson + Stabler Forever)

• “Old” ABC classics like Revenge, Scandal, and the early seasons (1-13) of Grey’s Anatomy

  • Note: I stopped watching all medical related shows in 2017 after my own major medical trauma occurred.

  • Extra Note: Grey's Anatomy reels keep showing up in my facebook feed in real day, clips I both have and have not seen, and sometimes I can’t stop watching them. Apparently 90 seconds at a time is the only way my brain can digest it, and I’m only engaged by the Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital staff relationships and interplay, NOT by patient care, injuries, illnesses, surgeries, or anything that mirrors real life medicine for obvious reasons.

• CW champions such as Arrow and Legends of Tomorrow

• Marvel’s The Runaways

• Cruel Intentions (The new TV series and the old movie)

• Wednesday (I am her. She is I)

• Gossip Girl (Absolutely only the vintage version)

• Veronica Mars (4 seasons + the movie)

The common threads? The main characters, the TV personas are people I connect with. I’m intrigued by. I want to know more about. Theres also an overarching storyline laced through even if each episode is a different case or moment or story in it of itself. Take Olivia Benson and Elliott Stabler. It’s been 25 years, and we’re STILL waiting for those two to have their moment.

One Off’s that are still MVPs

There are also some series I’ve only watched once, but their impact on me was profound and they deserve to be mentioned:

• Pretty Little Liars

• One Tree Hill

• The Good Wife

  • Note: I stopped watching when a main character was killed in season 5

• Instinct

• Umbrella Academy

• Succession

• Stitchers

• Castle

• Covert Affairs

• Community

• Jessica Jones

• Only Murders in the Building

I think each of these brought to me something I needed in the season I found them. I haven’t returned to them because sometimes there’s only magic once, but there was enough magic in the moment that I still consider these some of my favorites.

On timing… and No Coincidences

First off, there are no coincidences. I believe that I end up in a certain series during a certain season or lifecycle event for a reason. Second, the universe does things that make sense but are completely unexplainable.

One of these things coincides with the show Pretty Little Liars. PLL, a teen mystery thriller, premiered on ABC in 2010, but I didn’t become aware of it until late 2011 when my roommate received the first season via mail order DVD from Netflix (remember those days?)

I was instantly drawn in, and then tuned in live for EVERY SINGLE EPISODE as soon as I was caught up. This was a show I most often watched with other people, and I loved the constant mystery we were trying to solve.

What has since forever lingered for me is the offscreen relationship between the six main characters, as seen above. The show wrapped it’s filming in October 2016 (final episodes aired in June 2017) and each of these actors posted several tributes to their tenure, the show and each other on their social media accounts. Some of these, I still have saved.

This is where you ask why?

Why? Because on October 1, 2016, one of my best friends died in a fluke accident that never should’ve happened. I was so profoundly impacted by this loss that I desperately needed something to connect to and distract with. These lengthy, emotional goodbye letters and videos from the PLL co-stars to each other, to their show runner, their writers, their cast-mates and crew, and to us, their fans, were so eloquent and overflowing with emotion - in a way it gave me justification and representation of how losing someone or something you love so deeply, something or someone who changed you irrevocably, can be both utterly painful and somehow somewhat delicately appreciative at the same time.

& why am I writing about this today?

As I watch Wicked on Amazon Prime for what must be like the 72nd time, I was thinking about how I find comfort in knowing what to predict, in being able to both watch it and have it as background noise, and it being so different and distracting from real life.

There are some movies that have done this for me in the past, such as (but clearly not limited to) some of these:

• Sleepless in Seattle

• You’ve Got Mail

• The Holiday

• Definitely, Maybe

• Moulin Rouge

• Black Panther

• Burlesque

• Notting Hill

• About Time

• GAGA: Five Foot Two

• RENT

But Wicked, specifically, has held a special place in my heart since I first saw it live in Chicago nearly 20 years ago. I’ve played the soundtrack with Kristin and Idina thousands of times. I know the movie plot by heart.

So, when I found out a movie was being released, I felt true actual joy.

And when I began seeing all of the merch collaborations for the new film in late September, I was already laid up in bed after shattering my knee. Every merch search and advertisement gave me something to fixate on, to seek out online, and to consume mentally, rather than aimless scrolling.

The weekend the movie premiered in theaters was the first time I was able to take any steps at all without crutches after 14 weeks of relying solely on their support. It was a major milestone.

Now, as I’ve been preparing for heartbreaking surgery the day after tomorrow, I’ve thrown myself all in to the friendship on screen between Glinda and Elphaba, but even more-so, the friendship off screen between Ariana and Cynthia.

Like, I need more of it in my life.

I need to believe that friendship and sisterhood like that still exist, even in the most intense and high pressure circumstances.

And, the thing about timing, this time, is that I feel like I know them. And they know me. I know what parts of the movie bring me calm, what parts make me laugh, and what parts allow me to cry, genuinely, when I need that cathartic release. There’s something magical about that 2 hours and 40 minutes, and beyond that, the deleted scenes, and the commentary version of the film by both Director Jon Chu, AND one by Ariana and Cynthia themselves (that’s my favorite version to watch, if we’re being totally honest here).

What’s the point?

I say all of this to make several points. First, it’s okay to write about something totally different and widely out of scope on Substack. I read a note the other day that said to treat Substack like a love letter to yourself, and I think I’ve done that in various degrees over the last 80 pieces I’ve published - and this one is no different.

Next, I think there’s a difference between mindlessly watching TV or a movie and endlessly scrolling social media. To me, one feels like connection, and the other has started to feel more like isolation.

And finally, I think theres a gross under appreciation for the script writers and story tellers who put together the media we consume - some of it is truly a work of art, enriching and fulfilling and requiring critical thinking and one’s full attention - and sometimes these shows are the best shows because they transport you out of yourself for a little while, they put you into someone else’s day, into someone else’s life, and sometimes that perspective is enough to cause an exhale, it’s enough to bring you back to center.

Have you ever felt this way, or used a TV show or movie in the search for comfort or distraction or as a coping mechanism to manage emotions or your mental health?

If you have - you’re not alone. I clearly have too. & After writing this - I’m noticing there’s oh so much worse things I could pick or choose.